I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
