My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
