yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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