I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
