You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
