Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
