thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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