I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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