im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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