I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
