i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
