My cat gives me a boner
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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