Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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