so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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