ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
