I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
