She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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