I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you didnt know i had herpes?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
