this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
