Do you still have your period?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my poor anus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
