speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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