i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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