He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
