May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
only you would photoshop your dick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
