and she was petting her beer can
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
