Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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