All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize