Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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