You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You ruined the universe
Randomize