This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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