I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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