woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Be still, my beating vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize