Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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