At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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