He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
