Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
