Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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