Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
