Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
