I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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