I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
