I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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