His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
