It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
