I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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