u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
