Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come share oat with me in your robe
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
