I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
