I hate your face
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
