is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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