Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think my moral compass just broke
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
