I have demons in me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
