um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
