All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
