Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
