i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
