She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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