If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
