I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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