It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
