Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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