How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
