i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
