After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
