He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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