I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
