My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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