You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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