So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
