Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I deserve this hangover.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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