I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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