Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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