Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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