around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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