Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
