M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The ass gains better be worth it
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